10. Skulls or Skeletal Designs
It doesnâ€™t make you look â€œedgyâ€ or â€œdark.â€ We all know what the human skeletal system looks like. Thanks for the refresher course by wearing it on your hat, tee shirt, bag, gloves, etc. The only time I want to know about a bone is if I break it and even then I just want the doctor to put a cast on it.
9. Uber short mini skirts.
As a perverted straight guy that has to register every time I move to a new neighborhood, I like walking up the stairs of a subway station and seeing flashes of muschi, but trust me when I tell the ladies that itâ€™s not a good look.
If youâ€™re a man you should not be wearing a furcoat aka Manfur. The only two â€œGet out of Jail Free Cardsâ€ you get is if you killed the animal yourself or if youâ€™re Joe Namath.
7. Ed hardy-esque shit
Ummmm, why are people still wearing this shit?
6. Rev. Jeremiah Wright / Sarah Palin as Wingman/wingwoman
Just because thereâ€™s a microphone in front of your face and youâ€™re part of a minority group doesnâ€™t make what you say any less retarded. Those two should only be allowed to eat my feces.
5. Bootleg Sheperd Fairey Obama Hope Tees
The guys in Union Square are not selling it to support Obama and the NYU students shouldnâ€™t buy it thinking that they are. On top of that, theyâ€™re not supporting the artist (Fairey) who made the iconic image. But kudos to Shep for getting GQâ€™s artist of the year for that work. Do I dare say that the image will have the same reach and staying power as the Che Gueverra image?
The shoe bomber look was never cool and covering half your face with patchy pubes doesnâ€™t make you any less of a douchebag. What happened? Were you attacked by a werewolf? When I see someone with a half assed Papa Smurf beard their douchebagery jumps 10 pts.
3. Super tight cut off jeans with a super low vneck/uboat shirt with boat shoes and no socks, and oversized sunglasses (beard optional)
Speaking of douches, why do all guys with a Grover from Seasame Street gut and the ability to braid their chest hair wear this outfit walking down Bedford Ave? Your mouse knuckles arenâ€™t impressing anyone sweetheart.
2. Scarves in the Summer
Are you confused? Unless youâ€™re Yasser Arafat or within a 1000 mile radius of his corpse should you be wearing a scarf when itâ€™s hotter than the surface of the sun outside. Maybe maybe maybe if you have one of those holes in your throat because youâ€™ve been smoking Capriâ€™s since you were six should you wear a scarf year round. Other than that you look like either a douche or someone whoâ€™s following the lead of a douche. NOT A GOOD LOOK.
1. Suit vests
You couldnâ€™t afford the rest of the suit? Are you trying to be a Black Jack dealer at the Borgata? Wearing just the vest doesnâ€™t dress up your white tee shirt, super tight jeans, and Nike Dunks. And by the way, Debbie Gibson called and even she thinks you look like a douche.
Paul Kim is a native New Yorker, born in Queens but lived in Brooklyn most of his life. During the winter months he spends his time in Boulder, CO for the snowboarding season and then the rest of the year he travels. He drinks copious amounts of Boddingtons and Jamesons, but never met a drink he didn’t like except for maybe rum drinks. (He’s not a pirate). He started a now defunct clothing line called Future Relic and worked for XLARGE in Los Angeles. He now lives off the kindness of strangers and lives out of his suitcase. You can check out futurerelic.com to see more info about him.