STD Issue 48

Picture this: The best comics assemble from all over the world every four years to battle it out. Must-see TV, right? With the 2008 Beijing Olympics underway the STD crew decided that it was time for the Olympic committee to add a sport: The Comedic Decathlon. In the event that the IOC President responds to our 548th email and finally approves the decathlon for 2012 games we’ve been practicing:

Q: What insect is good at math?
A: An account-ant.

Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop, clop?
A: An Amish drive-by shooting

Q: How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
A: Somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.

std48_elzhi.jpg

Elzhi
The Preface

RATING:

Unless you’re a true underground hip hop head, the mention of an album by Elzhi produced by Black Milk will draw more blank stares than Chinese arithmetic. But if you are familiar, you should know that the Detroit natives somehow avoided relentless gunfire from drive-by shootings to create an essentially flawless album. At least there is hope for Detroit youth now. If you do live to see your 18th birthday you can aspire to be a crooked politician or an underground rapper. How promising! One thing is for sure: If the Detroit hip hop scene continues to rise like its crime rates, acts like Elzhi might not be underground for long.

Reviewer’s Note: Consecutive perfect ratings (see Nas, STD Issue #47) are completely unacceptable so the names “Elzhi” and “Black Milk” seem to be ridiculous enough to warrant a deduction.

– A. Hugh Leonard

std48_clipse.jpg

Re-Up Gang
Clipse Presents: Re-Up Gang

RATING:

How many different ways can The Clipse talk about selling drugs? By the looks of things they’ve run out of ideas. And what do you do when you’re hard pressed for new tales of crack? Take songs from a free mixtape and strip them of their beats, replace them with worse production, then slightly alter the song titles, and finally package it and ship it out to music retailers everywhere and watch the money roll in. How genius is that? Who wouldn’t want to purchase a disc of recycled verses spit over uninspired beats? Sounds appetizing. Unfortunately for The Clipse, today’s technology allows people to hear records before they spend their hard earned money on them. If you really want to put as much effort into purchasing this album as The Clipse did making it just visit your local bootlegger.

– A. Hugh Leonard

std48_monrae.jpg

Janelle Monae
Metropolis: The Chase Suite

RATING:

The future of sound is here. Laden with new age soul and rooted in rhythm and blues, Bad Boy recording artist Janelle Monae sets—then resets—the standard for supreme musicianship on her debut effort. Set in the distant, and far off, future, the doe-eyed soothsayer speaks on everything—from social ills to political quandaries. Make no mistake; her music is light years ahead. Be forewarned though, if you plan on joining the unconventional sage on her cosmic journey, anything is bound to happen—ready, or not.

– Jason Parham

std48_schwayze.jpg

Shwayze
Shwayze

RATING:

Hear me out at least. I’m from Los Angeles and usually root for the artist/group/band from my home state. However, this is where I draw the line. Alt-rapper Shwayze’s debut album is just plain bad. Like real bad. Besides the song titles—“Mary Jane”, “Hollywood”, and “Corona and Lime”—that remind me of good times in L.A., nothing else merits a listen to the Malibu rapper’s self-titled LP. It’s so awful I’m stopping my review here.

– Jason Parham

std48_aok1.jpg

A.O.K.
If You Don’t Buy This CD the Terrorists Will Win

RATING:

Despite the uncohesiveness between tracks and spotty production, rapper(?) A.O.K.’s solo debut is pretty decent. It’s like one long joke that, at times, isn’t funny—yet you can’t help but listen. It all begins to make sense when you realize A.O.K. is from Canada. And you have to give the guy credit; he’s definitely on to something with the album title— If You Don’t Buy This CD the Terrorists Will Win. It’s marketing genius. Who really wants terrorists to win at anything (save for the terrorists themselves)? In that spirit you should go out right now and buy the album. If not for him, at least for your country.

– Jason Parham

std48_cover.jpg

3 comments

  1. The future of sound is here. Laden with new age soul and rooted in rhythm and blues, Bad Boy recording artist Janelle Monae sets—then resets—the standard for supreme musicianship on her debut effort. Set in the distant, and far off, future, the doe-eyed soothsayer speaks on everything—from social ills to political quandaries. Make no mistake; her music is light years ahead. Be forewarned though, if you plan on joining the unconventional sage on her cosmic journey.

  2. I just really wanted to say that the Shwayze album is quite good. I usually like the reviews but it’s just one. No biggie but i just think everyone should try listening to it and not be dicouraged from doing so. Thanks for always making these reviews though! :D

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>