It’s 2006 and muthafuckers still don’t know when they’re playin’ themselves, so let’s set the record straight. (Note: this is for true sneakerheads only – everyone else shouldn’t get they feelings hurt [that means if you have less than 20 pairs of kicks, don’t take it personal]) Read it, learn it, memorize it, meditate on it – but whatever you do, don’t be rocking any of the joints on the following list:

SHIT THAT IS OFFICIALLY PLAYED OUT IN 2006/2007

Dunks
I don’t care if Phil Knight embossed his asshole on the lower right corner, the madness has got to stop. Specialty and limited edition Dunks are ruining what is truly a magical shoe. And Nike has the nerve to continually release colorways that defy the very reason why it was so cool in the first place: two-tone colorings. When you eliminate the two-tone element, it’s just another AF1 (and don’t worry, we’ll get to those joints). What makes a limited edition so damn hot-to-death anyway? You know what’s truly limited edition? Copping a joint, putting it on ice for a few years while everyone is killing it, then rocking ‘em once the hoopla has died down.

Air Force 1s
Despite whut some might say, the AF1 is dead to me. This goes triple-doubly so for white-on-white’s and black-on-black’s. I have never understood the allure of colorless shoes. Shit, even the Stan Smith had a smattering of green! I mean, what are you, a referee? Even a white-with-black-swoosh is borderline-acceptable…. As per limited editions/special releases, all that shit is played the fuck out. Who cares? The only “limit” in “limited editions” is in yer goddamn mind… The only AF1 that gets a pass is the High-top – stop playin’ yerself with Mid’s….

Any Air Jordan Retro released this year
As dope as the recent retro’s may be (and make no mistake – they dope!), sometimes you gotta show a li’l restraint. Of course you’ve got every Jordan since _____, but that doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone. And if you’ve got so many J’s, why not go into the back catalogue to show a li’l bit of class? Sometimes taste is in whut you choose NOT to rock, hard though this may be to believe….

And 1’s/Puma’s
The And 1’s should be self-explanatory, but if it ain’t, I’ll explain…
It’s called the “New York rule”: as in, if no one in New York City is wearing it, forgetaboutit. Cuz in NYC even the bums are rockin’ ’95 air max…. (seriously, I’m not making that up – ‘least for one bum I saw), and FYI, NObody rocks And 1’s in NYC…..

As for Puma’s, only girls and men who wear Seven-jeans rock Puma. I mean, they ruined the Puma State by making a slip-on version!?! If you’re a girl, you get a pass – everyone else, take them shits off!

adidas Shelltoes
good lord this shoe is played out. The shelltoe should strickly see indoor-use, if you wanna wear it…. Sure, it’s a classic/staple, but somehow it hasn’t marinated to Chuck-Taylor status quite just yet. Check back in fifty years, then we’ll give it a pass.

All Shox (except the R4, the BB4, the NZ, and VCs 1 thru 3)
let’s face it, with a few exceptions, Shox are ugly. The technology wuz cool, the commercials funny, but after the first wave, Shox started eating ass. That Total-Shox joint could only be big in NYC (note: the corollary to the “New York rule” is that NYC will cop ANY expensive Nike, no matter how ugly), and all the variations they’ve tried have failed since the OG R4 (save the NZ)…. But you can’t blame Nike for trying, only the cats that get suckered into buying….