The Deportation Season

Random Ecuadorian family clings to safety behind the locked doors of a church. Armed with cameras and boom microphones is a platoon of broadcast news personnel that exhibit the tawdriness of Anna Nicole Smith or Flava Flav, circling the church like obese Midwesterners at a Chinese buffet. “If it bleeds, it leads” is the cliché sandwiched between “motherless child in a garbage dumpster” and, my favourite, “illegal family unit seeking sanctuary in a church.”

I enjoy observing television theatrics, meaningless petitions and tearful communities. No, I do not possess Donald Rumsfeld’s emotional scale. However, tears that are wiped away with the memory of what sparks the emotional tears are, well, extremely Young and the Restless of tearful communities.

Immigration officials sending family X back to country X where they’re religiously persecuted is entertainingly upsetting, but, now, there is a new player in the deportation Olympics:

“Evicted – why you tryin’ to find shit to lick with/ even your kids tell you that you ain’t shit to Slick Rick.” – I Own America (Part One)

Yes, Ricky Walters, AKA Slick Rick is squaring off against the Department of Homeland Security, again. The 13-year-struggle between Slick Rick – whose wife and children are American citizens – and the American government is drama to the max. Twice, the Immigration and Naturalization Service ordered him deported to England, but he triumphed in court. Yet recently, his permanent resident status was revoked!

Regular people facing deportation hide behind religious institutions, hand-drawn banners and local television. Slick Rick has Russell Simmons, Will Smith and Hip-Hop Summit Action Network co-chairman Dr. Benjamin Chavis willing to fend for his American citizenship.

In large, I am disgusted in most deportation cases, like this one:

Muralidaran Nadarajah loses his 11-year-old son, Birunthan, in a tragic attempt of heroism; Birunthan tried to save his 15-year-old friend that fell through thin ice. Birunthan drowned in his rescue attempt. His father is accused of being a terrorist – psst, Canada, Maher Arar, scandal and still no answers – with the Tamil Tigers, but Nadarajah says, “I am not a terrorist, I [was] never, ever involved in arms or any violent activities in my whole life.” But why should the Canadian government believe him, he’s from Sri Lanka – a violent, terrorist breeding country. It’s not like Nadarajah would want to escape that chaotic paradise, right?

Turn the power to high and press 3:30 on the microwave, because unlike family units that are separated, deported and tortured – Canada, Mr. and Mrs. Maher Arar put the Royal Canadian Mounted Police on Santa’s naughty list – Slick Rick’s deportation exposé will have gaudy jewellery, poor government-issued fashion and celebrity cameos.

Jordan Chalifoux

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