STD STD Issue 47
Is Ludacris the Rev. Jeremiah Wright of hip-hop? In the recently released song, titled “Politics as Usual,†the Atlanta rhymester calls Hillary Clinton a “b*tch,†says the Republican nominee, John McCain, should be paralyzed in a wheelchair, and President Bush is “mentally handicap.†Two out of three ain’t bad (even for us, the McCain remark is just wrong). You decide—soothsayer or straight hater? Either way, musicians are becoming too involved in politics. They should stick to what they do best: sappy love songs, hipster dance moves, misogynistic rhymes and mindless rock & roll. Anybody want to take a guess at who Ludacris is voting for?
Before you is STD’s first-ever INTERNATIONAL Issue. We know, it’s dope and all that jazz. We pride ourselves on bringing you the best coverage around. STD is like CNN, but for music—“The most trusted name in music.†Mad official, right? The crew hit up Germany, Canada, Iceland, Mexico and even Estonia without leaving our apartments. And it is true what they say: music really is universal—it can suck from anywhere. In the end, Chicago rhymester Common was right: “I went from bashful, to asshole, to international.†Now if we could only find our passports.
Apparently former celebrated late-night host Arsenio Hall is making his “triumphant†(really?) return to television. Remember, the guy with the hip-top fade best known for doing fist-pumping “whoop, whoop, whoop†chants all the time (yeah, we secretly miss doing them too). His new show, “Funniest Moments,†debuts this fall and is said to be similar to “America’s Funniest Home Videos.†Whatever happened to originality? Rhetorical question. 
With gas prices on the rise, the ongoing war in Iraq, and unemployment rates hitting an all-time high, good music is all we seem to have left (no more street dreamin’, sorry Fab). The STD crew decided to take it easy this week (shhhh, don’t tell our editor) as we find ourselves actually giving mad props to some decent albums (yeah, we were surprised too). We must be losing our touch. Hey, even Darth Vader took a day or two off. So as we bottle up the HATE this week (Side note: “Hi Hater†by Maino is quickly becoming a STD favorite at the office), rest assured that the web’s most notorious wrecking crew (oh, you didn’t know) will be back on our regular steez soon. Like Maino said: “It’s cool, they even hated on Jesus.†Quality music in 2008. Go figure. 
The STD crew is busy telling dirty jokes to each other: 
Disabled and differently abled – no really, if they were so “abled†they would realize “abled†is not a word – people are the coolest people to date, because they get into cool places and avoid line ups. Date a disabled or differently abled person as soon as possible. STD crew is a little late – not as late as usual – because it has been taking homely looking bitches with crutches to movies and retarded dudes to Wal-Mart so it can avoid line ups while scoring that easy lay. 
The STD crew has been on vacation for a while. Well, no one went on vacation, actually. In fact, no one made it 30 blocks past their front door (except Kemp Illups, he needed to hit some fixed-gear bicyclists with his pickup truck) because everyone in the STD crew is too fucked up to comprehend Velcro, let alone a transit map. But six weeks later, the STD crew is back to explain why Parisians are whore-mongers and why Kanye West fans are gaylords.